Key West

Alright dudes i want to wish you a happenin spring break from no place other than Key West, Florida (U.S&A.), home of the Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville.  Sal and I packed our baggies on Monday (mon-day like heya mon jamaica LOL someone's in the island spirit.. okay it's me) and it was up up and away to the land de paradisio.  Now before I get into the bogus shitshow, let me give you a taste, per se, of le KW: Above is a kewl pic Sal shot of me down at the southernmost point of the continental U.S&A. just livin it up and soakin up the rays (when cloudtown decided to finally damn buzz off!).  Afterwards we went to Margaritaville and got a real taste of Jimmy Biffits ideas.  Besides bein an excellent muisishy, Jimmy Biffit knows where its at when it comes to the life de island!! Sal and I got some drinks and I forgave her for having idiotshit friends. Did ya know that Key West is home to Original Margaritaville? that's right, and I'm here until the 23rd baby.  77 and partly cloudy read it and weep hombre.  

Okay, so one of the reasons I'm so glad to be livin the Island life is the trip over.  Now as you know, I fuckin love to travel.  Traveltime is my passion, and I'm not just sayin that.  That said, the flight over was a heaping pile of fuckin shit.  The movie, if you can even call it that, they played was "Four Christmases", which i am giving a 0/10.  It was by far the worst filmy ever made- FUCK YOU VINCE VAUGHN!!! anyhoo, the whole time i was watching that bullshat, two damn kiddies behind me wouldn't cool it with the jibber jabber! I made an angry grunt at the two shitheads, but they didn't get the picture.. whatever.  The worst came when I needed to go to pottytown and the kiddies made funny of me for having to drop the kids off at the pool (c'mon now, it's natural).  That was the last straw and so I shook them (lightly), and fuckin stewardshit made me move to the back.  That's it for Delta- NO MORE.

= 0/10!!

But for now, I'm livin the good life with Sal with the sweet sounds of Jimmy Biffit.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Time De Cinema/Historytown

7/10 

Sal and I had some nice time de cinema while it was fucking snowy central in the outdoors.  She made some of her famous poppycorn to munch on (too bad the bitch damn burnt most of the treaties) and we watched the alltime classic Runaway Bride.  It's a movie about journalist hoohaw, marriage and some woman shit.  Sal went damn bananas and talked n' laughed too hard at one part so i muted movieville for at least ten minutes so she could fuckin cool it- but despite interruptions this was a very kewl movie. I'm just gonna say one word of vocab: INTENSE.  It's rated PG so you could watch it if you're like.. 12 lol.  

Okay so here it is by poppy demand: Historytown, population: 2 but whos countin lol

 

So as you all damn know Sal and I married each other as just friends.  We met each other in junior high but weren't friends until I damn literally bumped into her at a TGIF'S.  I have a severe issue with intimacy because of rashes and made that clear right off the fuckin bat.  There is NEVER any hoo hoo, hanky panky, steamy time, or gettin down with it (whatever you wanna calleh', OFF LIMITS).

We got just as friends married in 2003 in Las Vegas cause that's the only place that would do the deed.  This pic is right before I made a funny at Elvis and asked if I could be knighted lol (because he's the king).  

Here's the whole gang: Frank and Beth Dempenchest (Fuck You!!!), Bart the doggy, Todd, unknown, Tammy, unknown, Sal, and Yours Truly.  Frank and Beth probably fuckin farted or something lol.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Education

A lot of you have been asking me about my Poppy and I'm just gonna say shove it the fuck up! I am not about to just spill my beans of damn life just because some bitch wants an education. 

Speaking of education, Sal's friend Wendy needs to go back to school for understandment.  When I say "OUTTA THE HOUSE" that means "OUTTA THE HOUSE" (leave).  Stupid bitch was in my kitchen with Sal eating damn ALL of my tasty delights.  I caught her red-handed (or brown handed cause it was Oreos lol)

This is a picture I took of them right before I went over the edge (the green glob of shit is Wendy).  The snackzone is completely off limits to guests.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Ya Gotta Go See STOMP!!

Have you ever seen a show and "this is fuckin awesome" shoots into the noggin?? Get out of your seats folks and go see STOMP! Usually i get nasty when Sal drags me along to plays and musies but STOMP! is a thrilling joyride of rhythm and pizzaz that really gets the blood pumpin.  I'm giving STOMP! a 10/10 because of pure talent and the DVD is sick.  I was on the edge of my seatie and could of sprayed piss when the talented cast took out the broomies and made rhythm townish.  Fun for the whole family or just men.

Injury update: I fucking still have shitcast. I get around with crutches which made getting through the crowd at STOMP! a garbagefest. As soon as i reached comfortzone though i sat back, adjusted the fuckin comfort, and let STOMP! do all the work.

YA GOTTA GO SEE STOMP!


Keep it real,
Bill Doody

I DAMN BROKEY MY ANKLE

Everyone eat shit im pissed as fuck!

Fucking stairgarbagefuck brokey my ankle during exercisetown and now my travel plans for FebFeb are damn put off.  (yellowstone is NOT meant for fucking casts!!!)

I was trying out some new difficult moves on the shitmaster when god must have farted or something (pain).  While i was giving birth to larger muscles the damn thing betrayed my body and I yarled, which is motherfucking yelling and gargling.  While I was yarling in the den my bladder gave me an early april fools joke, per se, and ruined my favorite shortsies (dont worry i didnt piss like crazy my Y2K shirt is okay).  I had to drive mySELF to the fucking hospy because Sal was at the fucking grocey buying god knows what (groceries).  

During the painful peepants drive it hurt whenever i gassed the pedal and made me yarl.  At the climax to dumbtown, a redlight bombarded my retna during stoppytime, giving me squint and yarl.  I exited the car to give a quick scream to god but upset my driving neighbors by accie and was assaulted by damn array of horn and nasty language.  

I'm ashamed to say I took it out on Gushers Doody and I yelled the fuck out in his tank last night.

Keep it real yall,

Bill Doody

Talk About Comfort

Hey dudes

I  was just chillen with my homedog Ben and he bought a hella sick camey phone.

He took this pic of me with my fuckin Snuggie while we watched Starsky and Hutch (disappointment).  All I'm gonna fuckin say is ultimate comfort.

And then on the other motherfucking side of things Sal bought me a fuckin demon shit pissbag.  I named the turtey Gushers, Gushers Doody, and he is an unfortunate addition.  Whenever I tried to feed Gushers he fuckin defecates on my hand (FUCK IT).    Let's just say turteys arnt always fun and games... okay.  

Keep it real, 

Bill Doody

Exerciseville

Hey readers, just thought I would update you on my fucking physical fitness (the fizz).  As you know I got a stairmastie for Christmas which officially completes Exercizeville.  When I work out I have my own personal motto of the Three S's: Simplicity, Sweat, and Soda (none).  I tried out a damn big exercise majjiger last year that pissed the shit out of me- here's a pic:

I know you are wondering about the kitty pictured on my legs:

name: Yogurt

color: grey and black

status: deceased

Anyways, to make a long story short, I'm no Tony Little and when i was working out one day on that retard contraption I had a little too much fucking soda and i barfed on my lap.  That machine sucks.

Now HERE is what I call a piece of equipment :

Lets just say if i feel the burn any more they'll have to call the fire department lol... okay

Keep it real, 

Bill Doody