Un Poco Updato

Hola, me feely the Latin vibes of my late night snacktime with Taquitos. My cat Pool is sittin on the couch next to me as I live the vida buena (Don't test me Pool- If you try and nibble on my treaties I will pull the damn plug on comfort). Taquitos is pretty sick name for pet... hey Santa, need a gift idea? (don't ask, I do NOT actually believe). I am giving Taquitos a 9/10 on the tasty scale- 1 short of un perfecto score because it's difficult to eat 2 at once :/

I know you are wondering how my Halloweeny was. If you read my entries at all, you will already know that Sal and I were both it Shrek this year. Word of advice: NEVER BE THE SAME COSTUME AS YOUR (just as friends) WIFE. To cut the shit, Halloweeny was a disaster. Sal invited bitch Tammy and her boyfriend Todd over to help with the trick or treaters but decided not to tell me until last minute (don't fling shit on my on Halloween). If you remember anything, Tammy spilled Yoohoo on my carpy on the newish year so there was instant grudge to begin with. Then bitch tells Sal that she did a good job on her Shrek costume (yeah right) and ignores my clearly superior Shrek. Besides, it wasn't MY fault Sal used up all the friggin green makeup and I had to use green marker (do not worry, my magnificent baldcap and Ogre-ears made this a minor shortcoming). Sal didn't even change her hair or clothes to character (wimp). Long story short, after ignoring me just cause I was a little proud of my costume, Tammy started giving away candy from my private reserve to the kiddies. IF YOU DO THIS, THEN HALLOWEEN IS OVER!!

Get an education and do some thinking next time.

Anyhoo- it's time for some cool fun:

Happy Thanksgiving from the Doody family!,

Bill, Sal, Pool, Ball, Hurt, ...and Gushers

(This greeting is NOT meant for the eyes of Beth and Frank Dempenchest (FUCK YOU!) as you will be dumping on my fiesta de thanks this year and should go to hell)

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

DON'T TELL IT

OK I KNOW IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG DAMN TIME. Don't tell it, the last months have been fucking technologinightmares.

Explanation: Some DAMN SHITHEAD found out how to log into my blog and changed my passcode!!! Because of this bullshit i have had no internet journal and i couldn't log into my personal homepage to write new posties. Needy not to say I have a big pile of catching up to make...

So I guess I gotta tell you all about my summertime even though it's totally way past lol. Three words... twice: Way too hot. I almost died. Okay actually okay you caught me I didn't actually almost die i was just saying that lol... But it was really way too hot. Above is a pretty kool pic from a minitrip Sal and I took to South of the Border in South Carolina. I'll just say this - COOL (but spicy hot) FOOD. We got some souvenirs and got a little loony :-p Special thanks to Mike for snappin this shot - "Viva la Mike!" (inside joke).

Second, to wrap up some loose ends:

Shrek the Musical: 8.5/10

Not quite a "STOMP!" in Le world de Entertainment, but Sal and I loved it big time. I just gotta say though that CHILDREN BE WARNED it IS EXTREMELY SAD. Ta sum it up - the singing is the coolest and the Donkey had me damn screamin laughter the whole time. Also, let it be known that Sal and I will both be being the Shrek this Halloween.

This is us at Halloweeny (lol) two years ago. (Don't ask, I do not have ANY pictures of last years Halloweeny when i was a damn EZ Pass). As you may tell, I was an injured jock which was a big hit with the kiddies. I still don't understand what Sal was... what a stupid shit costume she had. Talk about public embarrassment okay.

Anyhoo, Sal and I and our furry kids (our pets- we do NOT have children) are doing well although I am worried about thanksgiving with Sal's sister and her family. We have a very tense relationship if you remember anything. I have crafted some witty comebacks to Beth and Franks (FUCK YOU!) snide remarks they might make at thanksgivingville. Here are a few i wrote last night for my special turkeyday reserve:

(Sal this is not for your eyes)

"this pumpkin pie belongs in the toilet!"

"i bet your kids made this turkey" (personal fave)

"are you TRYiNG to make me vomit with this barf gravy?"

Keep it real (and have a sick Halloweeny readers!),

Bill Doody

Field of Dreamies

Okay kids it's time to cut the shitty and give it a listen about vactiontown.  Field of Dreamies was off the hizzy, but someone is like the worst thrower ever and made VERY annoying  jokies to me when I had sensitive issues with pottytown.  I'll let you know that I DID NOT enjoy the Rockies as my tummy damn pained the shit out of me and Sal kept talking while I was trying to relax.  I did buy a hella sick cap tho (Go Rockies! score a homer!) - you can see see me wearin it in the pic below.

So here's us in Field of Dreams just kickin it back and soakin up the rays (Sal would just NOT stop touching).

Here's me being A-rod in this sick action shot (I've been trying to master my personal technique of catching the baseyball with two hands, its pretty kewl).  The only problem is Sal is such a bad thrower and this throw went like 20 feet past me and yours truly had to fucking retrieve. >:(

Anyhoo, gotta wish a happy birthday to my friend- hang loose! don't let the fred-bugs bite lol! (inside joke)

Sal and I got tickets to go see Shrek the Musical in the Big Apple this weekend so I'll let you all know what i think.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Jammin with Jimmy (Biffit)

Okay dudes first off I want to say OPEN UP THE DOOR ITS JIMMY BIFFITS NEW HIT SINGLE SUMMERZCOOL! Jimmy Biffit is taking us all back to summerzcool with this sick new jam, so pack your bags, relax, and tell everyone about the song of the year "Summerzcool". (get it? like summer school but cool lol)

Sal told me the guitar-player in the video looks like me so I've just been telling people it is.  Hey look it's me playin guitar lol

I have taken the liberty of writing out the killer lyrics for you all because it's not fucking nowhere in internetville.

Summerzcool by Jimmy Biffit

You mashed up you read the paper

you accidentially watched the news

you inadvertantly find yourself 

in the vicinity of the blues

bust your ass! to get a good life

you make a habit out of overtime

when the big report-card comes

your politics are way out of line

you need to go to summerzcool

into the beach or at least in a pool

time to go to summerzcool

remember it is (sorry dudes i don't know what Jimmy says here)

time out! for bad behavior

time off you've been under the gun

high time somebody somebody told you 

time to let those puppies run!

wussup with this recession?

how we refuse to participate

the answer to your burning questions are dancing on your tailgate

(chorus)

heres the subjects:

BEER 101

SEX 102

tune it in tune it out, thats what i'm talking about

It's time to go to summerzcool

(chorus)

I'm (obviously) giving this gem a 10/10.  Jimmy really wrote a song for the people with his political and economic undertones in this one (like how he mentioned the recession and stuff), but all packed into a fun vacation anthemtown thats great for the whole family or just men.  As a self described travelman, lol, Jimmy really speaks to my heart (and his guitarlicks are sicknasty!).  I'm still missin ya Jimmy from Margaritaville, but don't worry I'll be back soon enough with the Salmeister.

I got back from the Rockies and Field of dreams last week which i will describe in my next postie.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Aloha Rocky Mountains!

Hey dudes, I'm back to vacationville with the Salmeister, this time in the one n' only Colorady (US&A).  I'll just let you know my chill level is at medium right now when it should be at like 11- I'm not gonna go into details because it's personal and involves pottytown. 

Anyhoo, whip out ye' old guitarorado and play me some Rockies! lols.

Sals sitting next to me right now and says aloha to all you readers.  (Sal wrote some bullshit garbage here but I gave it a one way ticket to delete-town cause she knows that my PC is off limits)

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Lets Talk About Pets

Hey dawgs I thought I'd tell you about some pets (mine).  Above you will find a sweet pic of yours truly and my doggy Hurt chillin in the den.  Good boy Hurt! Hurt loves to take walks, play with chewie toys, and rip up the fuckin couch (BAD DOG).  Overall, Hurt is a kewl doggy (9/10) and the high-king of Doody Pet-town.  

Here is Ball the Cat in a rare appearance of friendly-time.  Ball is our oldest cat at 11 besides Yogurt (deceased).  Usually Ball hides all damn over and then meows the fuck out like really randomly.  Since Ball sounds pretty damn close to my given name (Bill), I make Sal call him Bool to avoid any bullshit-time confusement.  Sometimes bitch forgets so someone gets the silent treaty.

Now here is the fucking demon piss-shit turd we call Gushers.  The damn turtey was a gift from Sal, and as I've said before he always shits on my handy when I try and enjoy playtown.  Needless to say, what fuckin goes around comes around! (someday he's gonna get a surprise visit from my asshole!!!) -sorry kiddies for vulgarville, he just really knows how to push my butties. 

Last but now least we have our newest addition: Pool.  Pool Doody is pictured below with Sal and is a cat.  Pool is shy, but a sweet kitty and loves to nibble on our treaties lol!

I love my pets.  (not you Gushers)

I leave for traveltime next week so I'm hella psyched- get the Jimmy Biffet out it's time to say buon giorno to the rockies!

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Bullshit Galore

So I'm back from ye olde Key West after the sweetlife at Margaritaville and all I'm gonna say is BULLSHIT.  Yesterday as you know was Easter, but it might as well have been something like labor day... lol.  Anyhoo, I bought myself some jellybeanies to munch on (eat) and a spy ear for Easty..  I wore it all day and heard lots of kewl sounds, but since Sal was over at the Dempenchests (fuck you frank and beth!!) for Easter, where I wasn't allowed, I had to go to town.  I drove over to almost-town (thats a pretty sick song name... hey Jimmy Biffit, need an idea??? lol) with my spy ear which was sick at first because of the badass road sounds but then it all turned to a mound of crap.  A retard animal was jumpin around so I honked the horn, which was extremely fucking loud in my damn spy ear.  I screamed the fuck out and almost crashed while I tried to park and recover from loudtown.  I didn't even get to go to the  village Easty egg hunting time because I had to eat fucking dinner with Sal when she got back.  Dinner was decent.

Here's a kewl pic of Easty dinner with our new cat Pool trying to get some nibbles off of Sal lol

Sorry I haven't posted in a couple weeks, I've been busy planning a new trip to (drumroll....) Colorado and the Field of Dreams in Iowa! missin Key West, but this trip is gonna be off the hook doggies!

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Key West

Alright dudes i want to wish you a happenin spring break from no place other than Key West, Florida (U.S&A.), home of the Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville.  Sal and I packed our baggies on Monday (mon-day like heya mon jamaica LOL someone's in the island spirit.. okay it's me) and it was up up and away to the land de paradisio.  Now before I get into the bogus shitshow, let me give you a taste, per se, of le KW: Above is a kewl pic Sal shot of me down at the southernmost point of the continental U.S&A. just livin it up and soakin up the rays (when cloudtown decided to finally damn buzz off!).  Afterwards we went to Margaritaville and got a real taste of Jimmy Biffits ideas.  Besides bein an excellent muisishy, Jimmy Biffit knows where its at when it comes to the life de island!! Sal and I got some drinks and I forgave her for having idiotshit friends. Did ya know that Key West is home to Original Margaritaville? that's right, and I'm here until the 23rd baby.  77 and partly cloudy read it and weep hombre.  

Okay, so one of the reasons I'm so glad to be livin the Island life is the trip over.  Now as you know, I fuckin love to travel.  Traveltime is my passion, and I'm not just sayin that.  That said, the flight over was a heaping pile of fuckin shit.  The movie, if you can even call it that, they played was "Four Christmases", which i am giving a 0/10.  It was by far the worst filmy ever made- FUCK YOU VINCE VAUGHN!!! anyhoo, the whole time i was watching that bullshat, two damn kiddies behind me wouldn't cool it with the jibber jabber! I made an angry grunt at the two shitheads, but they didn't get the picture.. whatever.  The worst came when I needed to go to pottytown and the kiddies made funny of me for having to drop the kids off at the pool (c'mon now, it's natural).  That was the last straw and so I shook them (lightly), and fuckin stewardshit made me move to the back.  That's it for Delta- NO MORE.

= 0/10!!

But for now, I'm livin the good life with Sal with the sweet sounds of Jimmy Biffit.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Time De Cinema/Historytown

7/10 

Sal and I had some nice time de cinema while it was fucking snowy central in the outdoors.  She made some of her famous poppycorn to munch on (too bad the bitch damn burnt most of the treaties) and we watched the alltime classic Runaway Bride.  It's a movie about journalist hoohaw, marriage and some woman shit.  Sal went damn bananas and talked n' laughed too hard at one part so i muted movieville for at least ten minutes so she could fuckin cool it- but despite interruptions this was a very kewl movie. I'm just gonna say one word of vocab: INTENSE.  It's rated PG so you could watch it if you're like.. 12 lol.  

Okay so here it is by poppy demand: Historytown, population: 2 but whos countin lol

 

So as you all damn know Sal and I married each other as just friends.  We met each other in junior high but weren't friends until I damn literally bumped into her at a TGIF'S.  I have a severe issue with intimacy because of rashes and made that clear right off the fuckin bat.  There is NEVER any hoo hoo, hanky panky, steamy time, or gettin down with it (whatever you wanna calleh', OFF LIMITS).

We got just as friends married in 2003 in Las Vegas cause that's the only place that would do the deed.  This pic is right before I made a funny at Elvis and asked if I could be knighted lol (because he's the king).  

Here's the whole gang: Frank and Beth Dempenchest (Fuck You!!!), Bart the doggy, Todd, unknown, Tammy, unknown, Sal, and Yours Truly.  Frank and Beth probably fuckin farted or something lol.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Education

A lot of you have been asking me about my Poppy and I'm just gonna say shove it the fuck up! I am not about to just spill my beans of damn life just because some bitch wants an education. 

Speaking of education, Sal's friend Wendy needs to go back to school for understandment.  When I say "OUTTA THE HOUSE" that means "OUTTA THE HOUSE" (leave).  Stupid bitch was in my kitchen with Sal eating damn ALL of my tasty delights.  I caught her red-handed (or brown handed cause it was Oreos lol)

This is a picture I took of them right before I went over the edge (the green glob of shit is Wendy).  The snackzone is completely off limits to guests.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody

Ya Gotta Go See STOMP!!

Have you ever seen a show and "this is fuckin awesome" shoots into the noggin?? Get out of your seats folks and go see STOMP! Usually i get nasty when Sal drags me along to plays and musies but STOMP! is a thrilling joyride of rhythm and pizzaz that really gets the blood pumpin.  I'm giving STOMP! a 10/10 because of pure talent and the DVD is sick.  I was on the edge of my seatie and could of sprayed piss when the talented cast took out the broomies and made rhythm townish.  Fun for the whole family or just men.

Injury update: I fucking still have shitcast. I get around with crutches which made getting through the crowd at STOMP! a garbagefest. As soon as i reached comfortzone though i sat back, adjusted the fuckin comfort, and let STOMP! do all the work.

YA GOTTA GO SEE STOMP!


Keep it real,
Bill Doody

I DAMN BROKEY MY ANKLE

Everyone eat shit im pissed as fuck!

Fucking stairgarbagefuck brokey my ankle during exercisetown and now my travel plans for FebFeb are damn put off.  (yellowstone is NOT meant for fucking casts!!!)

I was trying out some new difficult moves on the shitmaster when god must have farted or something (pain).  While i was giving birth to larger muscles the damn thing betrayed my body and I yarled, which is motherfucking yelling and gargling.  While I was yarling in the den my bladder gave me an early april fools joke, per se, and ruined my favorite shortsies (dont worry i didnt piss like crazy my Y2K shirt is okay).  I had to drive mySELF to the fucking hospy because Sal was at the fucking grocey buying god knows what (groceries).  

During the painful peepants drive it hurt whenever i gassed the pedal and made me yarl.  At the climax to dumbtown, a redlight bombarded my retna during stoppytime, giving me squint and yarl.  I exited the car to give a quick scream to god but upset my driving neighbors by accie and was assaulted by damn array of horn and nasty language.  

I'm ashamed to say I took it out on Gushers Doody and I yelled the fuck out in his tank last night.

Keep it real yall,

Bill Doody

Talk About Comfort

Hey dudes

I  was just chillen with my homedog Ben and he bought a hella sick camey phone.

He took this pic of me with my fuckin Snuggie while we watched Starsky and Hutch (disappointment).  All I'm gonna fuckin say is ultimate comfort.

And then on the other motherfucking side of things Sal bought me a fuckin demon shit pissbag.  I named the turtey Gushers, Gushers Doody, and he is an unfortunate addition.  Whenever I tried to feed Gushers he fuckin defecates on my hand (FUCK IT).    Let's just say turteys arnt always fun and games... okay.  

Keep it real, 

Bill Doody

Exerciseville

Hey readers, just thought I would update you on my fucking physical fitness (the fizz).  As you know I got a stairmastie for Christmas which officially completes Exercizeville.  When I work out I have my own personal motto of the Three S's: Simplicity, Sweat, and Soda (none).  I tried out a damn big exercise majjiger last year that pissed the shit out of me- here's a pic:

I know you are wondering about the kitty pictured on my legs:

name: Yogurt

color: grey and black

status: deceased

Anyways, to make a long story short, I'm no Tony Little and when i was working out one day on that retard contraption I had a little too much fucking soda and i barfed on my lap.  That machine sucks.

Now HERE is what I call a piece of equipment :

Lets just say if i feel the burn any more they'll have to call the fire department lol... okay

Keep it real, 

Bill Doody

BANISHED?!

Someone decided to shit on my day and i damn know it wasnt fuckin me! 

Okay so as you know yesterday i went to Albany with Sal to visit some fuckin freaks who call themselves relatives.  I was on my best social behavior but apparently those twats of child-dwarves don't understand humor.  

I got back from my annoying morning walk with my dog Hurt to the phone ringing its damn array of bell.  I pick up the phone and who is it? Oh, its Beth Dempenchest being rude as usuey.  Dumbest bitch blabs about nothing (boring things like how her kids couldnt damn sleepy) and then tells me that I have been banished from the Dempenchest clan for my behavior with the kiddies last night.  I flipped the fuck out and lets just say dialtone central had a sale... lol. 

Sorry for all the profane wordys everyone I'm just pissed like crazy.

On a higher note my stairmastie ROX! and i just got a DVD of Batman Beyond (awesome).

Keep it real (FUCK YOU BETH, PAUL, NATE, BECCA, JIM and FRANK!!!),

Bill Doody

Medium Travel (Albany)

Sal dragged me along to familyville NY in a place called Albany, AKA capitol of NY.  Albany was okay until we got there lol... okay.   So the premise of this journey, if you will, is that Sal needed to damn see her fam fam around the Holidays and given my resoluty for travel i decided to fucking tag along, per se.  We parked the car and took a nice photy at a scenic scene overlooking some fucking trees or some bologna like that.

I think the visit-time with the Dempenchests was a success.  After dinner i played along in a game of hidey seek with the kiddies.  The fucking gnomes couldnt even take a joke! when i was supposed to be seeking i decided to hide instead as a funny joke.  After about half an hour they went looking for me (i was hiding in the living room curtains).  When i heard Paul (7) Nate (6) Becca (9 i think) and the other one walk in the room i emerged, if you will, by screaming the fuck out.  They started crying and ruined the damn game.  

We decided to leave around 9 pm and to sum it up i'd rate Albanish 6/10 (but minus 1 because Sal made us stop at fucking pottery barn aka "the potty" as I like to call it lol)

Keep it real, 

Bill Doody

Crappy New Year!

Okay, so its damn 2009 in the Doody household and I am pissed as shit.  Sal of course had her fuckin friends over last night who made a big stupid scene and hoohaw about the doubly oh nine.  They brought the noisey makers which seriously offended my ears and my dog Hurts ears so much that i had to say E-NIF SHUT IT UP! (enough).  A great many of them were startled as shit, but you know that never ever excuses fucking spillage.  Stupid bitch Tammy spilled Yoohoo on my carpy and lets just say some mistakes go past the limit.

but i had a very nice time with my  dog thank you very much and i am happy to share my New Years Resolutions with you people.

-Travel

-Travel

-And what was that? oh yeah Travel

-Work out (exercise)

If you hurry you can catch out my favorite movie RV with the one and only Robin Willims on TBS right now.  To sum it up id give it a 9/10 not to mention it has references to Soda because the funny man is in the pop business just like my dad Maize Cortez Doody. I'll tell you more about that later though.  For now lets all reminisce (big word, i damn know) about the part of the filmfilm when the RV is balancing on the mountain! L-O-L! when the Rob-man climbs out of the RV and yells on the damn windshield wipers i almost sprayed fuckin shit from laughter.  Talk about fuckin close calls...okay.

Anyways I'll keep you loyal fans up to date about my resolutys.

Crappy new year, i got a stain, but happy new year RV is on TBS.

Keep it real,

Bill Doody